1. Define who you are. Knowing yourself first is very important. Who are you as a person? What are your interests? Do you want a relationship? Are you available for a relationship or are you still licking your wounds from a bad breakup or having your heart broken? Are you a hopeless romantic, a cynic, or a realist? Answering these questions can get you off to a good start.

2. Focus on taking care of your needs. Make sure to take care of the basics, such as eating, sleeping, exercising, having fun, affection, keeping clean, having healthy friends to socialize with. Taking care of you makes you much desirable to a potential boyfriend or girlfriend.

3. Ask yourself what are you looking for in a relationship?. What type of person do you most enjoy spending time with? Are you a hopeless romantic? What are some qualities that you are looking for? Do you enjoy talking? Are you more of an activity person, where you like to plan dates? Or, do you like to stay home, play games, or watch TV and a movie?

4. Find out where to meet people. Try joining activities, clubs, and organizations where you can share common interests with people. For example, if you love horses, or horseback riding, find a local place that offers teen trips, etc. Of course, there are other school clubs, such as the school newspaper, that offer opportunities for males and females to participate together. Although the Internet can be fun, it’s not always the safest way to meet people if you are planning to get together in person. Also, don’t give out personal digits such as phone number to a person you don’t know.

5. Try meeting a variety of people and getting to know them before choosing one person to be serious with. This will avoid serial dating, breakups, and drama at school. I would not recommend going out exclusively with the first person who expresses an interest in you, or the first person you are attracted to. If you are more selective to begin with, you are more likely to have a happy and successful relationship.

6. Set Boundaries for sexuality so you can relax, have fun, and avoid bad situations. Focus on what you will or won’t do sexually with your boyfriend or girlfriend once you have established that you are going to go out with them. If you are absolutely certain that you want a purely social relationship, and not sexual, then let the person know that you like to spend time with them, but that you do not want a physical or sexual relationship. If you like someone, but want to let them know that you are not “after them” for sex, then let them know that you really like and respect them, and that you would just like to get to know them as a person. If you want to stick to kissing or hugging, then say that you like to kiss and hug, but that’s all, so you would appreciate the other person respecting that. If you want to go further sexually, then try to be as clear as you can about what you will and won’t do, what you do or don’t like, and what is absolutely out of the question for you. That keeps the guesswork out of things and avoids unwanted advances.

7. Safety is a priority. Try to engage in only those dates or activities that you consider safer. Since you and everyone else are mortal, it is important to take care of your safety so that you can be around to enjoy life! Reckless driving, mindless sexual behavior. Drinking, and drugging are all examples of unsafe behavior. Educate yourself about safety in and out of the bedroom. There are plenty of activities to enjoy without putting yourself at risk. The Planned Parenthood website is a good one for other information and safer sex practices: www.lovecarefully.org

8. Communicate, but let it be a natural flow like a gentle stream, rather than a speeding train. You can talk about safer things first with a new person, such as what types of music and movies you like, what kind of computer you have, the latest MP3 player, or what you like to do for interests. Try not to you’re your life story on a person, or let them dump it on you. Later, once you both decide Communicate what you think about that person, and how you feel, once you know that there is some trust there. If it is hard for you to do in person, write down some thoughts and say them to the person on the phone, or write to them via IM or e-mail. You can also send a card, a letter, or an e-card. 123greetings.com has some great ones.

9. Know what your deal breakers are, and be willing to walk away. Some examples of deal breakers for you may be cheating, beating, drinking, drugging, or criminal activity. If these traits and behaviors are unacceptable to you in yourself and others, then decide to walk away from those people and situations. This may be the hardest thing to do if you like people, and want to be liked, but be sure that you will find new and better friends. You can’t control other people, but only yourself

10. Most of all, be who you are. Find out what really is fun and exciting for you. And go for it! If you find that you are not interested in anything, are confused, or very unhappy (if to you life sucks), you may need some help or guidance. Try to find a school counselor to talk with, or ask your parents to help you find a counselor to talk with. After all, you have the right to be a happy person! Of course, everyone has bad days, and if its just a bad day or a bad week, then do what you can to make things better, and hopefully they will be!

Krista Bloom is a counselor and personal and professional coach who can be reached via e-mail, or at her website HealingCouch.com.

Author:
Age: 16
City: Hampton
State/Prov: Virgina
Country: United States

For once in my life I am actually happy and I seem to be getting everything that I want. I found out that I am moving to England and I’m so excited. I have an amazing boyfriend will be closer to him. And things are just falling into place and I couldn’t be happier but then I started wondering when it’s going to end.

I am not the type of person who gets everything. I am well off, but never to this extent. I keep wondering if my boyfriend is falling for my best friend I mean don’t get me wrong, I love that they are friends but I don’t know, I am just so insecure, I guess that this is what I think of.

It may be that fact that I haven’t talked to him in two days… and yes I know that sounds absolutely crazy -- only two days -- but like I don’t know, I just feel so happy when I talk to him and the thought of him not being there kills me. I know I am 15 and I shouldn’t be this worried about, it but I am so completely in love with him and losing him, well I just cant seem grasp that concept in my mind.